Monday, December 10, 2012
The heart warming tale of a pervert and a puzzlebox that opens doors. The doors in question can lead to all the pleasures and tortures of heaven and hell. What it actually leads to is weird monsters or creepy leather clad weird-ohs called Cenobites who rip you apart with hooks on magic chains and hang around a big wooden post with gross stuff nailed to it.
If you've only heard of Hellraiser and never seen it you might be surprised by how little you hear or see the Cenobites considering Pinhead (the leader of 'em) is on the poster and all the merchandise for the flick the main bad guy in the movie is Frank Cotton, the above mentioned pervert, who somehow escaped pinhead and the gang and needs blood in order to get his body back so he can live again and steal his brother's wife.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
A heart warming tale of a true crime author discovering a box full of home movies in the attic of the house he just moved into. Wait, did I say heart warming? I meant terrifying.
The plot follows the crime writer's attempt to unravel the mystery of a family who is hanged in their backyard and their missing daughter. The murderer conveniently leaves the author clues as to what happened in the form of a box full of deceptively labeled snuff films in the attic of the house where the murder took place and the author has just moved his own family into.
Very creepy movie involving pagan gods, horrible murders and a guy who just wants to write a book about the murders.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Some creepy dude with a metal mask melted into his face hands out tickets to a free screening at a movie theater that's been closed for many years. The people who end up going to the show find out that either the movie or the theater is cursed when a prostitute who was out on the town with her pimp scratches her face while trying on a silvery devil mask that's part of a display in the lobby of the theater and turns in to a demon, just like in the movie they're watching! Mayhem ensues.
Lesson learned? Don't go to movies at closed theaters advertised by mute disfigured freaks.
Features the greatest example of a Deus Ex Machina in a movie that I can think of.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Like most people I've never seen Scared to Death but have seen its "Sequel-in-Monster-Only", SYNGENOR (1990). So that's what I'm going to talk about.
Syngenor was typical of this type of movie in the '90s, kinda slow, some gratuitous nudity and a really cool monster suit. It's about some company that's decided to create these weird looking monster guys that reproduce every 24hrs to replace soldiers in the "next war." Unfortunately the Syngenors seem to just kill whatever they see and are only good at fighting in the desert. Its never explained but there's a couple scenes which seem to indicate Syngenors are allergic to water. The other problem is the company is run by a crazy man who keeps injecting weird glowy junk in his neck. So its up to the daughter of the guy who created Syngenors and some reporter that was investigating something to do with the Syngenor company before falling in love with the scientists daughter to do something about the Syngenors before its too late.
The monster is really only one of two things that Syngenor has going for it. What's that other thing you ask? It's Re-animator's Dr. Hill himself, David Gale. And he's just as nuts in this flick. His character also has a habit of injecting a familiar looking green-glowing fluid into his neck that's never explained.
Can you live without seeing Syngenor? Probably.
Will seeing Syngenor change your life in any positive way? I hope not, its not that great a movie.
Did I enjoy watching Syngenor? Yep.
Should you watch Syngenor? I don't care.
The trailer for "Scared To Death" makes it look like the better movie, I'm going to have to find a way to see it.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Its that time of year again, and once again I'll be at FanExpo. You'll be able to find me in artist alley at table A53 you can see where that is on the handy dandy map at the top of this post.
I'll be selling 5X7 prints of 25 of my favorite Monstars, featuring the Alien, The Thing, Robocop, Gizmo and others. You'll also might be able to get my original 11X17 posters featuring 99 years of Monstars. while they last.
Swing by say "hi" and while you're there say "hi" to Leigh Young who will be sharing my table and selling some crazy art of her own.
Hopefully we'll see you there
Thursday, August 9, 2012
A strange dance theater production about a homicidal maniac wearing an owl mask is preyed upon by a homicidal maniac wearing an owl mask. Art imitates life? Slow moving, cheap Giallo/slasher flick from Italy (of course who else makes Giallo flicks) really picks up near the end when the killer finally gets around to offing the rest of the cast. Also the killer just looks really awesome with the owl head mask.
Surprisingly I found the movie in its entirety on youtube.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Some folks end up on a tropical island that houses a horrible secret. Underwater Nazi Zombies. It doesn't end well for anybody.
Stars Peter Cushing as an Nazi scientist who created the creeps. You'd think people would know better than to hang around any place where Peter Cushing is, especially if he's got a German accent.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
An alien comes to earth to figure out why earth attacked her home planet. She ends up falling in love with and marrying the scientist who did the attacking after figuring out it was an accident. The scientist's daughter figures out there's something wrong with her new mom and the weird eyeball thing that lives in her purse. Much fish out of water hilarity ensues. Originally pitched as a dark allegory
about child abuse.
Monday, July 23, 2012
The story of an Evil TV network trying to capitalize on the popularity of WWF Champion of the world Rip (Hulk Hogan) by starting their own fight show where hideous human monsters beat the snot out of each other. They find their star in Zeus. Zeus hates Rip. They eventually fight.
Weird trvia: Zeus actually ended up in the non-movie universe WWF.
Friday, July 20, 2012
A single mom and her two sons move to the murder capital of the world. Vampiric hijinks ensue.
Features the greatest vampire hunters in movie history. The Frog Brothers, Edgar and Allen.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
First appearance: The Keep (1983)
Nazi's guarding an ancient keep awaken something horrible when trying to steal silver crosses embedded in the walls. A mystical weirdo swings by to help a jewish academic and his daughter who are being held prisoner by the Nazis and forced to study the creepy keep. The weirdo's actually there to help the horrible thing. Weirdo falls in love with the academic monster. Horrible thing kills a bunch of Nazis proving that even ancient evil hates Nazis
Based on a pretty good novel by F. Paul Wilson.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
A bunch of weird octopus turtle things are released from an old silver mine 100 years after the army closed the mine due to a mysterious massacre. The boogens proceed to kill people. Stephen King gave the movie a good review in Twilight Zone Magazine, in case things like that are important to you.
Monday, July 2, 2012
First appearance: Without Warning (1980)
Have you ever heard of that movie 'Predator'? You know the one where an alien hunter stalks and kills a bunch of guys in the jungle? Yeah? Well this is kind of like that. Only its in the woods near a lake and the people fighting the alien are a crazy guy who may or may not own a gas station (played by Jack Palance, the guy not the gas station), a crazy army vet (Martin Landau) and a pair of useless teens. Instead of invisibility and high tech weapons, this alien throws weird, fleshy, frisbee parasites at people. The alien's not it it very much.
Another interesting parallel to Predator, both aliens were played by TV's Misfits of Science's Kevin Peter Hall.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Can't believe it took me so long to get around to seeing this movie.
It's about a homicidal maniac who believes god is telling him to murder widows and bimbos. He ends up being thrown in jail as a car thief, his cellmate is going to be hanged for killing a couple of people during a bank robbery. One night the man who will be hanged talks in his sleep revealing that the money he stole is hidden somewhere and his children know where. After the ersatz preacher is let out of jail he head straight to the bank robber's home town and seduces his wife. Terror and suspense ensue.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
First appearance: Rats: The Night of Terror (1984)
A post apocalyptic flick where a bunch of 1980s punks try to survive a night in a rundown building. Oh and did I mention the building is filled with evil rats! There's also these mysterious guys in yellow HAZMAT suits who show up and cart away some of the injured punks. Who are these weirdos in yellow? I kinda blow that mystery by showing you in this edition of Monstars, sorry. I debated whether I should or not but the movie's pretty crummy (directed by Bruno Mattei so if you've seen any of his flicks you know what to expect) most people probably won't make it to the reveal, also I've seen trailers and posters featuring the "suprise twist" so I figure if the film makers let the Rat out of the bag so to speak so will I. Here's a trailer with one of the alternate titles: BLOOD KILL! whatever that means.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Pretty cool little no budget movie about aliens eating people in New Jersey. Surprisingly and entertainingly gory, especially considering budget ($25,000). Faces get bitten off, old ladies get eaten not even kids are safe from the mayhem. The monsters start out as small tadpole looking things, like the worms in Slither, but the more they eat the bigger they get until they look like that thing I drew. There's an unofficial sequel called Metamorphosis: the Alien Factor, its not as fun but its still pretty decent and has a few more weird monsters.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
First appearance: The Black Scorpion (1957)
A volcano erupts unleashing a bunch of giant scorpions in Mexico in this weird "Them"esque monster-movie! Really great stop motion scorpions fight tanks and trains and stuff, but for some weird reason they have really goofy faces in the close-ups. One of my favorite Giant Bug movies just behind 'Them" and "The Deadly Mantis."
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Normally I'd put the name of the character in the title of the post but I liked the Red Herrings in the movie so much that I think I'll save the mystery. The movie's another of those slasher movies where there's going to be a big dance in town, this time its a graduation dance, that everyone in town loves, until some people get murdered. The town decides from that moment on there are no more dances. Flash forward 35 years, someone decides its time to have that dance again even though everyone assumes the murdering will start again. Sure enough murdering starts again. Will small towns never learn.
The thing I thought was cool about this one was the WWII angle with the first batch of murders being committed by a Crazy GI back from the war to find his girlfriend has fallen in love with some other guy whom she has taken to her High School (?) graduation dance. He kills them and then disappears. 35 later the killing starts again. I really like the look of the killer in the movie, I think the full combat gear matched with a pitch fork was very striking and new.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
First appearance: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
One of my favorite movies of all time (weird how many of them are John Carpenter movies) is Big Trouble in Little China. If you haven't seen it its about an over confident truck driver's attempt to stop an ancient evil Chinese ghost from marrying two women with green eyes. One girl is a gambling buddy's girlfriend and the the other is some woman he met at the airport. Mayhem ensues.
An interesting bit of trivia: The movie was originally set in the old west, which would have made it the only actual western John Carpenter would have made, but was re-written by the guy responsible for The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension.
You might also like to know you can get Dave on a bunch of stuff at my Cafe press store. So if you dig this and want it on a shirt or a keychain or on a teddy bear or something go to the store and buy something.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Two Brothers on vacation run afoul of some rednecks when one brother tries to take his younger brother's mind off his crippling allergy to wearing his shirts buttoned up by driving on the wrong side of the road. The rednecks retaliate by running the brothers off the road. Eventually the brothers make it to a small town where strange things are afoot! When shirtless brother disappears its up to crummy driving brother to discover the secret. Why did shirtless brother disappear? Why are the towns folk turning into weird zombies that leak a corrosive yellow ichor from their hands?
Pretty decent variation on zombie flicks.
Friday, March 9, 2012
The first time I saw The Creeper was in The Brute Man, which was a kinda prequel to House of Horrors. The Brute Man was a very strange movie and kind of tasteless since the origin of The Creeper as shown in the movie sort of mirrors the sad life of Rondo Hatton the actor playing the creeper. The main difference is that after hatton was disfigured he went on to become an actor instead of a creepy murderer.
Friday, February 24, 2012
I don't know why but I've always enjoyed this weird movie about incestuous cannibals kidnapping people to pretend to be their kids and feeding on the poor. Weirdly hilarious. Apparently its a metaphor for "Reaganomics."The cannibal angle makes him a slasher in my books, even though he used a shotgun for most of his killing.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Fun little tribute to 1950's monster flicks. Not as entertaining as the Larry Blamire movies, but still pretty good. Story wise its similar to the Brain from Planet Arous. Alien cop takes over the body of a human to track down a killer. This one stars Eric McCormack, and someone named Sage Brocklebank a name almost as awesome as Flex Shrapnel, Corky Burger, or Oliver Onions.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
A bunch of jerks and an ass (literally, some guys brings a mule along) muscle in on a Rancher and his daughter's house after a nuclear war. Most of them don't get along and then a mutant (pronounced Mew- TANT) shows up and nobody gets along with him either. In the end almost everyone dies but the good new is some one in France is still alive so I guess there's hope for the survivors even though they're out of food.
If you didn't like how the aliens were defeated in Signs you'll probably go nuts after you see what kills mutants (and giant clouds of radiation)
It may not look like it from what I've written here but I kinda liked this movie.
Monday, January 9, 2012
First appearance: Attack the Block (2011)
My favorite thing about the movie Attack the Block was the creature design. It was nice seeing a creature that was actually on screen not a fully CG entity. I'm sure there was moments where the guy in suit monsters were replaced with pixels but they still looked pretty boss.
What happens when a young boy who wants to be a scientist notices a bright light land in the sand pit behind his house? Martians that's what, and they implant things in peoples brains to control them or give them aneurysms. Fortunately the U.S. army is all set to believe the stories of young kids who mention monsters (see Monster Squad). Fortunately everything turns out OK in the end or does it?!
First appearance: Laid to rest (2009)
Really interesting new slasher movie about a girl with no name being chased by a guy wearing a chrome skull mask who's is videotaping his rampage with a shoulder mounted video camera. Why's he filming? We don't know. Who's the girl? We don't know. How come the cops can't figure out the car with the license plate "CRMSKULL" probably belongs to the serial killer wearing a chrome skull mask leading them to the identity of the silent hulking walking cuisinart? we find out in the sequel. Very gory, surprisingly interesting, kinda gross. If you've got a week stomach stay far, far away from Cromeskull.
The second movie brings up more questions than it answers. I'm looking forward to seeing a third.